- By Ryan Oliveira
i am learning not to hate myself

i am learning not to hate myself.
when i’m welcomed with wanting eyes
unwanting silence,
when i lay naked in my unmade bed
with a ballad meant for no one,
when i want to chug windex instead of
smudging me in the mirror,
i am learning not to hate myself.
when i binge for beauty at my fingertips
& only bring up wastelands,
when i model intimates & vulnerables
to strangle pastries at my sides,
when i buy new skins for summer
but pray for the razor & the vein,
i am learning not to hate myself.
when i stir-fry on a sunday, defying
the friday it was meant to be on,
when i stare at my dying air-plant
thinking we’re all starving,
when i burn every bridge in rome
leading to a lonely violin solo,
i am learning not to hate myself.
& it is hard.
but i learn.