i am learning not to hate myself

i am learning not to hate myself.

when i’m welcomed with wanting eyes

unwanting silence,

when i lay naked in my unmade bed

with a ballad meant for no one,

when i want to chug windex instead of

smudging me in the mirror,

i am learning not to hate myself.

when i binge for beauty at my fingertips

& only bring up wastelands,

when i model intimates & vulnerables

to strangle pastries at my sides,

when i buy new skins for summer

but pray for the razor & the vein,

i am learning not to hate myself.

when i stir-fry on a sunday, defying

the friday it was meant to be on,

when i stare at my dying air-plant

thinking we’re all starving,

when i burn every bridge in rome

leading to a lonely violin solo,

i am learning not to hate myself.

& it is hard.

but i learn.